It's hard to lose weight during the Holidays, y'all!

OK so today was another dreaded day; another doctor's visit. I have been so bad since Thanksgiving. I have indulged in unhealthy meals and drinking more than I have in the past two months. At the same time I have been trying to make up for it in terms of exercise and eating well when I could. So my goal was to not have a higher number than last month.

And I am proud to say I met my goal; I lost 2 pounds this month, and the doctor was pleased with the progress! (I guess me shaving off 5 minutes of my 5K time from 2 1/2 years ago yesterday when I worked out at the gym was a good thing!). I am so happy that there was not an increase in weight and that I continue to make progress.

Now for the downside -- we talked about the next 7 days. Basically I am going to be indulging for at least one meal and partaking in drinks as well. So my strategy is to continue to eat healthy during those meals where I am not going to be bad and make sure I do some sort of exercise the day of and the day after my "badness".  I shared this strategy with the doctor and she said, "That's a good start but everyday where you do not stick to your calorie plan, you have to make up for it with 2 days of being strict if you want to continue to lose weight." Well Merry Friggin Christmas to me! I know that this part of the blog makes it sound like I am just whining and bitching, but it actually helps so that I can create a plan to keep seeing results. So we will see. My next appointment is in 6 weeks with a goal of losing 5 pound by then. Keeping my fingers crossed and continuing to work hard so maybe by this time next year I will be able to do my own version of this dance number with some of the usual suspects (minus the leotard and flower, of course).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZqz94ODz18

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!

Day of Accountability

So 4 weeks ago the weight loss doctor set a goal for me. It was going to be tough to lose 6-8 pounds in the month of November. I had my birthday and Thanksgiving to battle. And then to top it all off, I also made an unplanned work trip to Iowa. Now when I am in Iowa I do not behave, and I do not stay on my diet...period.

This trip to Iowa, yep, followed the same rule. The birthday celebrations, not bad but I did indulge a little (Tiff's Treats cookies for my birthday...yummmm). Thanksgiving day...did pretty well and didn't hog out on desserts. It was the next 2 nights after Thanksgiving when I gave into temptation and had dessert twice on Friday and once on Saturday. Our house guest was leaving Sunday and I asked her what leftovers she was taking home. She was only taking meat, so all the fattening sides and the desserts went down the drain (Oh how I already miss them...sniff, sniff).

I knew that today was coming, though. I purposefully scheduled my weigh in and doctor visit for the day after Thanksgiving holiday. I knew that I had dropped some weight because my clothes have been fitting differently. However, I was not sure that I was going to meet the goal she set for me.  "If I lose 4 pounds I will be happy," I told myself as I was driving there.

So I arrive at the office and the first thing that happens is they weigh you. OK, off with the socks, off with the shoes, blood pressure taken, and now...the moment of truth...time to step on the scale. I look straight ahead and wait for the beep. I look down and... wait... how the hell did that happen??! How did...how the...huh??!! You have GOT to be kidding me!!!

I lost 8.5 pounds this month! I do not know how the hell I did it, but I was so excited. Then I get angry with myself..."had you been stricter ya dumbass, it could have been 10."  But I cut myself some slack. Since the end of September I have lost 20.5 pounds. If I lose 5 more pounds, which is my goal for my next weigh in on December 24th, I will be the lightest I have been in thirteen years. I cannot wait.

The success is motivating, but it also lets me know that I can balance out my food intake, exercising, and enjoying the "no-no" foods from time to time without going overboard. I want to meet the goal, but also enjoy life. This month I will find the balance. I went for an interval run tonight (that is my latest cardio craze and I love it.... walk for a time period/distance and then run for a time period/distance....ya do the same thing with at least 4 peaks...tonight I had 5 peaks and I really felt it).  At the same time I had a protein cookie today (too chewy...don't know about those), so trying to find the balance for sure.

With the holiday parties and getting together with friends and families, it will be challenging this month, but I am up to the challenge. So bring on the next day of accountability. . Let's do this!

First Post of the 43rd Year

So nicest thing happened this morning. Peter was getting ready to go to work and I was making myself my protein/coffee shake. I did not have my shirt on and Peter said, "You're losing weight babe." Now others have been saying that over the past few weeks, but when your own spouse says that...(as Martha Stewart would say), "it's a good thing!"

So what I decided to do was compare my body image to how it was before I re-started this body transformation and stepped away form the calories. The images on the left were taken at the end of September and the images on the right are me today.

Now I know that I am still very much a work in progress, but the proof is in the pudding. Mmmmmm pudding!!! I would be interested to know where you can really see the weight loss. I know where I see it, but go ahead and tell me whatcha think. Some of my friends call this my fat blog, so yea, so be it...this is my (not as)Fat Blog!!

This is true motivation going into Thanksgiving and getting to the gym today, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday....tomorrow will be a jog/walk VERY early in the morning...

Happy Gobble, Gobble to everyone! Enjoy and don't stuff yourself too much :-).

I guess I am doing something right!

Whenever I start to lose weight again, I seem to be the last one to notice. I mean I know that my clothes fit differently, I feel more comfortable in my skin, but the end result does not seem to show itself. Last night we went to go have dinner and bowling with a friend for his 50th birthday and then onto the newest (sorta) gay club in the city.

While at the bowling alley we all had dinner, and I had a cheeseburger and fries WITH THE BUN! What??! What the hell am I doing??! They had salads there, why didn't I just go for that?! I was starting to stress about it but then I remembered a few things:

• I have not eaten like this since the end of September;
• this was a special occasion;
• I am at a bowling alley for chrissake! I am supposed to have a burger and fries (although this particular bowling alley is known for its enchiladas, and I have to say, I wish I had gotten them);
• even if I splurged I could easily get back on track this morning; and
• this does not mean that I am going to slip into my old bad habits.

So I said, "That is what the hell you are doing!!" Over the course of the evening I ate bad, I had drinks, and I put my diet over to the side, and just enjoyed life. 

But I digress...I said that I don't feel like I have lost weight but time and time again I was asked "How much weight have you lost?"...Now granted I have lost about 15 pounds since the end of September, but really...15 pounds?? Is it really that noticeable? Until I saw this picture...

That is me on the far right standing up with the ball cap pulling up my jeans...Now I never really had much of an ass before and I like for my jeans to be loose, but look at that picture...Where exactly is my ass? Why are those pants so huge? Where the hell is my gut?? Usually you can see my belly from the side, and I would expect to see it again in this picture, but no.... Um, YAY! 

Peter and I have both been working so hard (he has also lost about 15 pounds and I am EXTREMELY happy and proud of him, as well) that I guess it is paying off. So my celebration for the visual success is to continue doing what I am doing:

• watching my calories;
• interval training with walking and running at least 3 times a week;
• weight training at least 3 times a week; and
• limit my alcohol intake.

And the last bullet brings to another topic for discussion: alcohol. I love alcohol...wine, beer, hard liquor, I love it. I would drink every day if I could...not that I am an alcoholic...I just like the taste of all different kinds of alcohol. So last night over the course of 6 hours I had 6 beers and 2 shots. Now if you know me, you know that is pretty tame for me...but I am convinced that tame might be the way to go because last night was even a little much. I woke up this morning with heartburn and a headache. (Note to self...go buy prevacid this morning). It taught me that I could indulge and I could be bad, but this is how I am going to feel the next day. Now, I do not have a hangover, but I do not feel as "clean" as I have felt in quite awhile, and I do not like this feeling. I have to travel for work this week to go work at the mother ship. A lot of people know me and like to drink as well, so I will just have to temper my activities this week and focus more on the work and less on the booze. 

Later today I will go to the gym (can't do it just yet...not well enough just quite yet) and get back on the road to feeling cleaner. I am looking forward to it, because I know it's the right thing to do.

The First Month of Hell and Beyond

October 1, 2012
I went back to the doctor on this day. I weighed a lot more than I wanted to. She told me to get back on my diet, get back to exercising, not step on the scale, and do my best until I saw her again. My meal plan goes something like this:

Breakfast at about 7 am....100 calorie protein shake

Mid morning snack at 9:30.....another 100 calorie protein shake or nonfat plain greek yogurt with fruit, but only the low glycemic kind (all tart fruits)...fruit only 3 times a week

Lunch at 12:00...about 540-600 calories including 2 starches, salad, 2 cups cooked vegetables and 4-5 ounces of protein

Mid afternoon snack at 3:00....100 calorie protein shake or 160 protein bar that she sells at her office

Dinner at 6:00 about 600 calories including salad, 2 cups cooked vegetables and 6 ounces of protein -- no carbs after mid afternoon snack

Evening snack....100 calorie protein shake

Now that is 1600 calories for a man my size....this was not gonna be easy. (For those that wanna try and adapt this, cut back your calories at lunch and dinner...especially women who should be at about 1200 calories a day if you are trying to lose weight) Oh and I did not listen to her about the scale; I mean after all, what did she know...HA!...so here we go with a little run-down of how October went.

October 1-7, 2012

• started eating better - kept calories under 1600 except for one day
• was only supposed to have one treat item but ended up having a treat meal
• primarily did cardio and not weigh training
• was supposed to cut back on alcohol and I did, but still was twice as much as she recommended
• stepped on the scale and had lost 2 pounds...ok, not bad

October 8-14, 2012

• really focused on the eating - kept calories under 1600 except for treat dish
• started going back to the gym regularly - weights and cardio with interval training
• cut way back on the alcohol - only 3 drinks (and for those that know me, I KNOW! Can you believe it!!)
• only had 1 treat item and not a treat meal
• stepped on the scale and had lost 4 more pounds...hey!!!

October 15-21, 2012

• stayed focused on the eating - kept calories under 1600 per day
• was exercising regularly- 4-5 times that week with weights and interval training
• cut back on the alcohol-again only 3 per week
• had pizza and a cupcake as my treat
• stepped on the scale and had gained a pound!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!! I worked so hard (except for the pizza and cupcake)...At that point I decided not to step on the scale until I went back to the doctor on October 29

October 22-28, 2012

• really focused on the eating - all days under 1600
• started going back to the gym regularly - 5 days of exercising - still hate it though
• cut way back on the alcohol - stayed within the 3 per week
• only had 1 treat item and not a treat meal
• did not step on the scale

October 29, 2012 (Why are some dates bolded?? These are weigh-in dates).

I went to the doctor and I was terrified. She gave me a goal of 10-12 pounds. I knew there was no way I was going to make it, especially after gaining a pound during the week of October 15. And being very goal-oriented and goal-driven, I was in panic mode. My appointment was at 8:30. I went in with the medical assistant. She said my blood pressure was up (no seriously, it was 124 over 90...AND I take blood pressure medicine!!) and I was very, very nervous. Her assistant then instructed me to take off my shoes and socks and step on the scale. It was the moment of reckoning. I refused to look at the scale until it beeped. I closed my eyes closed and waited for the beep. I opened one eye and looked down at the number. 

Wait....did that say what I thought it said???!!! Awesome!! I did not reach the 10 pound mark, but I had lost 8.5 pounds, the leading digit was a 2 and the tens digit was ALSO a 2, and I was as happy as a witch in a broom factory. The next part was to go talk to the doctor. We talked about the next month and my plans for birthday, thanksgiving, and such, and she set a new goal for me...this time only 6-8 pounds. I got this!!!

October 29-November 4, 2012

This was a very, very good week. I was pumped, I was motivated, I hit my calorie target every day, I was under on my alcohol consumption, and I was enjoying when I exercised again (this had not happened since 2009). Hell I even incorporated jogging and running back into my exercise routine.

I did not step on the scale, but the funniest thing happened when I put on my shorts on Sunday....they fell off! Now this is monumental because when I started with the doctor I was on the fourth notch on my belt...Now a month later I was between the 5th and 6th notch...That is my next landmark...6 notches on the belt. I am feeling great, and I am truly motivated to keep going.

My biggest obstacle is that mother trucking scale...I want to get on so bad, but I don't because I am convinced that I will be disappointed and become discouraged. It taunts me. Every time I step into that bathroom there seems to be a huge sign over it that says "Go ahead, just see how much progress you've made!" I have even tried moving it to the another restroom, but it still calls me my name out, kind of like "The call is coming from inside the house" kinda call too!

I will stay strong. I can do this! I go back to the doctor the day after Thanksgiving, so it is my job to work extra hard between now and November 26th to get the result that I want to get. I will hit at least 6 pounds gone!

The Many Faces of a Fat Oldie

Taken in 2008 right after we got married and before I started making an effort. Although this was a very cheesy picture, it kinda explained a lot about my love for food. Tipping the scale at well over 270 pounds didn't seem to bother me, either.

A month later in November, 2008 I had dropped 17 pounds and felt really good about the progress that I had made, but I knew it was far from over.

December 31, 2008. After 2 months I was already down 33 pounds. It was surreal how the weight was dropping off...all with the help of the wonderful doctor.

February, 2009... I was down 42 pounds

Summer 2009 I was down 55 pounds

And on my 40th birthday (11/19/09), I had a lost a total of 59 pounds. (This was taken on November 21, 2009, so actually I was probably only down 57 pounds by then, but hey...) I felt good about myself. I was happier than I had every been, and I was looking forward to my new lease on life. I was bound and determined to keep it off. Well, that was my plan....

For the next 9 months I slowly put on 13 more pounds. But it was OK, I was still close to 10 pounds from the least I had weighed. I really wanted to lose 5 of those pounds, but I kept telling myself it was water weight.

Then in 2011 and into the rest of 2012, I slowly put on 12 more pounds. In September of 2012 I had put back on 25 pounds without even thinking about it. I was so frustrated. How in the hell did I let this happen again? When I stepped back on the scale and the first digit was a 2 and the second digit was a 4, I was like enough is enough!!! (If you look at the picture above and the picture to the right, you can tell the 25 pounds was in my face...a lot).

So on October 1, 2012, I went back to the bariatric doctor. Since the 27th of September I had lost 4 pounds and the scale no longer had a 2 and a 4, but a 2 and a 3...better, but not great. We talked about food again, she adjusted my diet, gave me tips to get me back on track, and actually praised me. She said something really profound that I was actually amazed about. She said "you had 39 years to learn bad eating habits...don't be so hard on yourself if you can't change it in 4 years time!" WOW...this woman was pure genius!!

But nevertheless I left her office with supplements, plenty of protein shakes, WHICH I will address in a later entry, and a diet plan for me to stick to. Oh yea, and a goal for the next month of losing 10-12 pounds. Now I had lost 17 pounds in the first month back when I first tried to lose weight, so I thought this was totally do-able. But this time around, it was not so easy! This is me on my current journey.

Now you have 4 entries with the background story. The rest of my entries from here on out will be my successes, struggles, frustrations, and celebrations as I try to reach my goal. Now although I would LOOOOOOVE to lose 27 more pounds after today, I will be fine if I can lose as much weight as possible by February 7, 2013 (look back to past posts and see if you can figure out why...oh yea, and we are going on a cruise on February 9, 2013, and I wanna feel good). So here we go folks...

The First Date and The Beginning of the Bulge

Well needless to say I was so nervous that it was the worst date ever!! I didn't hardly talk (I know!! Me, not talk?!) and I was very suspicious of him the whole time. It really wasn't fair to him. I knew that when the date was over that I had blown it. The next day he called me and asked if I wanted to meet for lunch. Really?! Awesome! And the rest, as they say is history.

2006

We have been together ever since. I ended up moving to San Antonio 5 months after the first date for a job, and he moved to San Antonio a year later. We even bought a house together. Although we were not happy, we tried to make the best of it. This is where it all started, though...the roller coaster that has engulfed my life for the past 8 years. When I met Peter I was a little heavier than I wanted to be. But we were so miserable in San Antonio that the only way I could deal with the misery was to eat and drink and engage in activities with friends where I could eat and drink even more. It was a vicious cycle and there was no possibility of it letting up. This photo was taken in 2006. We had been in our house in San Antonio for less than a year. 

My job got worse while we were in San Antonio. I was initially hired to work with a principal that I shared values and whom I felt honored to work with. She was fantastic, and still is to this day. We keep in touch and she has been invaluable to my professional life. Then shortly after this picture was taken, I was relocated (not by my will) to another campus because my "skills" were needed there. This was a horrible environment and constantly felt on the defensive. This did not help the miserableness so I continued to engage in eating and drinking to get rid of the awful feelings from not only work but in a place where I did not feel at home. Notice what is in my hand...beer to make life better...and the beer gut to match it. 

Taken in early 2008

So instead of addressing the feelings that were "satisfied" by food and drink, I decided we needed to move back to the Austin area. We put the house on the market after I got a job, and we sold the house in San Antonio and bought a house in Cedar Park. It was our dream house (or so we thought). I loved my job, I loved Peter, I loved where we lived but something was still missing because I was getting bigger and bigger and doing nothing about it. Three months after we moved there Peter's father passed away unexpectedly and the depression got worse in the house...his and mine. Even through all this we continued to love each other. 

On August 8, 2008, I married my best friend. The pictures below show us on our wedding day. Unfortunately on this day, I was the heaviest I have ever been. 

Awwwwww!!!

Who the hell is the fattie?! Oh yea, that is ME! I used this
picture as motivation.

I went to the doctor a month later for my physical and found that I now had some serious health problems. So I thought, let's just have surgery to get rid of the excess weight. The plastic surgeon said NO! (Good for him). He told me he would do it, but not until I lost some of the weight, and gave me the name of an angel who was a bariatric doctor. I made an appointment with the doctor and on October 31, 2008 I tipped the scales at almost 280 pounds. WHAT?!!! How did this happen???

So on that day my journey to get rid of the weight for good. I had a man that I loved supporting me all the way and I was bound and determined to be successful. My future posts will be about my progress, setbacks, frustrations, success stories, and everything in between. This is when Sweating With the Oldie will really start!!

In a Sea of Un-Truths

After meeting Mr. Gorgeous on that fate-filled night in the summer of 2000, I began to date (and a lot). I dated guy after guy after guy and each guy was more un-truthful than the last. It was like I was swimming in a sea full of liars!! I dated one guy, who shall be named Brian (this time to protect the guilty) who lied about his name, where he went to school, what was his major, and on and on and on. Although he was not the last guy I dated, he was one of the ones that left a bitter taste in my mouth. I could not trust, I could not believe that a guy was being up-front, and I did not know if I would ever meet someone who was truly honest.

Since I had dated so many guys in Austin after that summer of 2000, I spread my wings and was habitually dating guys in Dallas. This was even worse than dating guys in Austin! In 2002 I dated several guys who were just as dishonest as the ones in Austin and would break it off over email...real class acts. 

So fast forward to February 2, 2003, and I am truly frustrated. I remember thinking I am never, ever, ever (thanks Taylor Swift for the line) going to meet anyone. I feared that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life, and that was not something that I longed for. That night I logged onto the gay-social media engine of the time. I thought that I would try my hand in Austin again and I scrolled through who was online. The engine was just updated because you could see pictures next to the profiles now! As I was scrolling, I saw none other than that Peter guy!! My heart raced, my blood was pumping, and I struggled to say something in chat that was not horrible, stupid, or dorky. We chatted for a bit and finally I said something along the lines of 'we met before at Rainbow Cattle Company...Bobby introduced us'. His response? "I'm sorry I don't remember meeting you." 

Um, excuse me? You don't remember me??! Oh great, this is going to turn out just swell!! (This was one of the rare times when my inner dialogue worked and I refrained form typing that). But still we continued chatting and by the end of the night he gave me his email address. A couple of weeks earlier a friend told  that he would get email addresses for guys he wanted to date, emailed them with his phone number and left it up to the guy to see if he wanted to call or return the email. So I thought...what the hell...nothing else was working...let's try that.  But do I email him right away? Do I email him that night?? What to do, what to do....

Oh hell, let's just fire off an email saying how much I enjoyed our chat and give him my number. I checked my email before going to work the next day and hoped for a return email from this Peter guy...no luck. I was heartbroken, but not completely sad because I had enjoyed myself so much just getting to know him. That evening, nothing. The next morning nothing. But Tuesday afternoon I came home and voila...an email was waiting for me. "I will try and give you a call Wednesday night after work. I get off at 9:00".

Woo Hoo!!  That was tomorrow!!! Let's just say I was a wreck Tuesday night and Wednesday So at about 9:15 he calls...we chat just like we did online and it was great. He was laughing, I was making him laugh, the charm was a-workin'!! And then there it was..."What are you doing Friday night?" Wait...He just asked me out!  Don't fuck this up, Darrel...whatever you do DO NOT FUCK THIS UP!!! I casually agree to go out with him and we end the phone conversation. I remember thinking to myself, please God, please do not let this one be another ship in the sea of un-truths. 

Little Did I Know

OK so we are going to start this off by saying one thing...I am not the best writer in the world. If you are expecting some literary masterpiece, you might want to keep searching other blogs...cuz this ain't it!!! This is just me, talking, like I am right there with you telling my story.

Well you might wonder why I am even starting this blog; hell I wonder why I am writing this blog. It's an opportunity for me to write things down, and maybe someone else will read it and least think it is somewhat interesting.

The focus of this blog will be about my life for the past 12 years or so. Now most of you know me well enough to know that I got married in 1990 to the person who I thought was my soulmate...Well, let's just say THAT did not work out so great. First of all, I married a woman. Second of all, I had lost myself and no longer wanted to be in a world where my opinion or thoughts was just second to what everyone else. Finally, I still had a part of my life to go through that I (at that time) did not believe even existed. We got divorced in 1992 and I spent the next 6 years trying to figure out if I was, in fact, gay.


Well, yep, you guessed it...rainbow city with glittery, unicorns, and butterflies. In 1998 I went to my first gay bar, Splash, in Austin, Texas, and it was the first time I had gone to a bar where I felt like I belonged (somewhat). In June of 2000 I met the man of my dreams. I was at the Rainbow Cattle Company (those who remember it can still smell the awful left-over smoke smell and remember the warm beer), and I was with a group of friends. I left that group because in walked this good-looking man with another  friend of mine. To protect the guilty, let's call my friend Bobby. I made small talk with Bobby. During our conversation I made the comment "that guy over there is so hot".


Bobby said "Who, Peter?"

"Well I don't know what his name is, but yes, him," I retorted. (Now here is where some of you may think how can this old fart remember a conversation from 12 years ago, but believe me I remember these words!)

Before I knew it, Bobby yelled, "Hey Peter, come over here!" I was mortified. This good looking guy was standing right in front of me. Bobby introduced us and left us two to talk alone. Left??! What the hell?? Who does that?! I was ready to strangle him, but was grateful for the opportunity to talk to this guy. We talked for a few minutes and then this Peter guy excused himself. I went back over to join the group of friends I came with and said, "I will never see that guy again." Little did I know how life would turn out.